NEW POLICY EFFECTIVE FROM NOVEMBER 2008  

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If you ever worked for a corporation you will appreciate this! 

Dress Code 

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. 

Sick Days 

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 

Annual Leave Days 

Each employee will receive 104 annual leave days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. 

Bereavement Leave 

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. 

Toilet Use 

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the chronic offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. 

Lunch Break 

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast. 

As always, thank you for working at Consolidated Conglomerate, where you appreciate us and we don't give a rip about you.

jon says...
aku janji aku xkan buat macam ni kat pekerja aku

This entry was posted on 2008/07/21 at Monday, July 21, 2008 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

2 ppl left their mark

hahaa kelakar gile ok entry ni. rasa nk copy-paste je kat email pastu forward banyak2 xDD *tp kang ape pulak reaksi bos.. da la beliau suka bergelak tawa.. ahahaa* :P

July 21, 2008 at 9:13 PM

ok la tu dah boss cenggitu...bagi beliau bergelak tawa suka ria lagi...

penafian:
saya tidak akan bertanggungjawab diatas apa jua yg terjadi akibat xtvt copy-paste dari blog ini ;p

July 22, 2008 at 2:09 PM

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